


The Audience

by TheChichiSlaughterHouse



Series: 30_lemons (modified) [1]
Category: One Piece
Genre: 100 Themes Challenge, Community: 30_lemons, Depression, Exhibitionism, Fluff, Gangbang, Happy Birthday to me here's a fanfic for you, Hurt/Comfort, Lemon, M/M, Sex Club, Suicidal Thoughts, TCSH Birthday Celebration 2019, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Yaoi, sex as a coping mechanism, sex with strangers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-25 20:16:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20031721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheChichiSlaughterHouse/pseuds/TheChichiSlaughterHouse
Summary: Sanji can't cope with the things that go through his head. Just falling asleep is a struggle, let alone anything else. He goes out in search of something to distract himself but ends up with more than he bargained for when the swordsman finds him. ZoroxSanji.





	The Audience

**Author's Note:**

> The Audience
> 
> By The Chichi Slaughter House
> 
> Warnings: ZoroxSanji, depression, suicidal ideation, poor coping mechanisms, gangbang, exhibitionism, hurt/comfort.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own One Piece, and I never will. It’d become a character drama focused around Sanji if I did.
> 
> Rating: NC-17
> 
> For [30_lemons](https://archiveofourown.org/series/786075) prompt 2: The Audience and 26: Tears for the [100 themes challenge](https://archiveofourown.org/series/786081). (Double prompts because I can, basically.)
> 
> Started this back in May, got distracted but now it's done. It would have been easy to write something a little more normal, a little more focused on the first prompt. I didn’t want to do something easy. Have fun, lads.
> 
> [Twitter](http://twitter.com/slaughterchichi) | [Tumblr](http://slaughterchichi.tumblr.com) | [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.social/slaughterchichi) | [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/slaughterchichi)

Surrounded by the snores of the other male Strawhats, Sanji laid awake staring at the ceiling.

Despite the aching of his limbs and the weight in his eyelids he couldn’t fall asleep. His brain was working overtime; making snide comments about him for every reason it could think up. Sanji was used to it, had put up with it for so many years that he’d thought he’d become numb to it by now.

Meeting Luffy and travelling with the others had made a huge difference to his psyche. The nights where the thoughts had plagued him had reduced from daily to just a few times a week. It had been an improvement but after the issues with his family and being their captive once more, it was like his brain had doubled-down on taunting him.

Nights like these were the worst. With no distractions, he couldn’t make the jeers stop.

_Can’t sleep, can you? Thinking about how useless you are again? Always got to have a pity party, don’t you?_

Sanji slipped out of his hammock quietly, keeping his movements gentle as he slipped on his shoes and left the room. The sea breeze smacked him in the face when he got to the deck, sighing and letting it ruffle through his hair. They’d had a long day before they’d pulled up to this island, only managing to anchor the ship before night had fallen and they’d all gone to bed.

Normally they would have disembarked, found hotels to spend the night in to make it easier to explore come the morning. It was a little pricey but Nami usually allowed it since staying aboard too long would drive any person insane. The change of pace was good for their health.

Stomach rumbling, Sanji ran a hand through his hair. Maybe he was just hungry. He knew by now that not taking care of himself set it off, that remedying that would eventually fix it. There wasn’t much that couldn’t be mended by good hygiene and a full stomach, though those weren’t his only options.

He turned to go back inside, making his way into the galley to try and make himself a snack. Anything to calm his stomach and perhaps make sleep a more attainable goal. Exhausted as he was, Sanji only managed to make something simple. It was far too late to be rustling up something complex and he didn’t want to wake the others anyway. Breakfast was still a long way off, after all.

Sanji lifted the onigiri to his lips, biting into it while trying to block out his thoughts. Though he’d seasoned it like usual, it tasted bland in his mouth.

_You know, your food is sub-par at best. Everyone just pretends it’s delicious. They tell you otherwise because they feel sorry for you._

Overwhelmed by a wave of self-hatred, Sanji almost threw it to the floor in frustration. He stopped himself mid-lunge, putting it back onto the plate and pressing his hands to his face. This wasn’t good. He couldn’t waste it. There wasn’t a single scrap of food in the world that wasn’t precious.

His stomach growled again but Sanji didn’t feel like eating anymore. He felt ashamed for making something so flavourless, for ever serving such things in the first place. Some ‘great cook’ he was if he couldn’t make onigiri taste good!

_You don’t deserve to eat it. As shitty as it is, it’s still too good for the likes of you._

Sanji’s anxiety started eating him alive; the voice in the back of his head making him feel like he wasn’t ever going to be good enough for anyone. That no one would ever love him, that the affection the Strawhats showed him was fake. They’d only accepted him aboard because none of them could cook much.

Right now, he couldn’t even try to deny it.

_Zeff hated you. You stole his leg and his life from him. You should have just starved to death when you had the chance. He lied to Luffy so he’d take you along. So you’d be out of his sight. Everyone on the Baratie was so happy when you left that they’d cried. Do you remember?_

Deep down, Sanji knew the words weren’t true. Logically, he recognised they made no sense yet the barrage was getting to him. He was starting to believe it.

The love and support of his crew just didn’t feel like enough.

_Everyone would be happier if you just died. You should just get on with it before you embarrass yourself in front of them again. No one will miss you anyway._

Sanji clutched at his aching chest with his hand as he tried to shake the thoughts from his head. They wouldn’t budge. He could feel his heart slamming against his ribs, the sensation making him want to throw up.

If he’d known it was going to get this bad, he would have never left Whole Cake Island. Would have just stayed there and done what was expected of him. Why did Luffy have to come and get him?

_They didn’t save you for your sake. It would look bad if they’d abandoned you. They just like playing saviour. You mean nothing to them._

Unable to take it any longer Sanji got to his feet and stormed out of the galley, leaving the half-eaten onigiri behind. He couldn’t stay here right now, couldn’t stand the feelings rushing through him. When he reached the deck he immediately ran to the plank, heading to the nearest town in search of something – anything – to distract him.

\--

Sanji had found his distraction down an alleyway in a red light district and was already in the process of pushing his thoughts aside. With the most effective method he knew of: meaningless rough sex with strangers.

A strained grunt sounded behind him as he felt the dick inside him throbbing violently, evidently cumming already. Sanji wasn’t disappointed but he wasn’t pleased either; just letting himself be used by whomever wanted to take him.

He heard murmurs from the people watching him, panted as he flicked his gaze around but couldn’t see anything. He’d been blindfolded when he’d been brought to this stage, perhaps to help him keep his identity a secret or perhaps to protect the anonymity of the guests. Either way, Sanji didn’t much care: he wasn’t in this club for anything other than the feeling of skin on his own and pleasure so strong he couldn’t think.

The next man grabbed onto his hips with larger hands, pushing against him for only a moment before shoving inside. Sanji cried out despite himself, despite the fact that this shouldn’t have been unusual by now. He’d lost count of how many times he’d been entered so far, had no idea of how many men were up on the stage with him. But this cock was different from the one before; not as long but definitely much thicker, stretching him to the point where it almost hurt.

When it was like this, Sanji didn’t have even a second to think. There were so many sensations on his skin that he couldn’t focus on what was happening, let alone anything else. The thoughts that had been tormenting him on the ship had evaporated from the minute someone had laid hands on him and he was grateful he didn’t have to put up with it anymore.

He was even more indebted to the amount of hands he could feel on his skin; far too many to count, all petting at him or holding him down in some way. His ankles and wrists were held firmly in place, stopping him from moving around too much and just turning him on more. His knees were aching from being against the floor this long and he felt like his body was slowly going numb but it didn’t matter. As long as someone was fucking him, pounding into him and making him go mindless he would have taken anything they gave him.

Sanji wanted to wriggle to get more comfortable, push back against the new intrusion so he could adjust yet wasn’t given the chance. This new man was clearly wound up, just slamming into him roughly from the get-go. A hand fisted in his hair as his head was pulled back, the hold on his limbs forcing him to arch his back to accommodate it.

The rough pull caused the blindfold to loosen and fall from Sanji’s eyes; allowing him to finally look out at the sea of people watching him. Seeing him get fucked. The aroused stares directed at him made Sanji feel hot, feel worth something. It would have been a turn on, if not for one thing…

In the crowd, Zoro was also watching him.

Sanji tensed at the sight of the swordsman, suddenly feeling cornered. He’d never thought he’d see another member of his crew here. Most of them didn’t seem sexually inclined or, at the very least, not into this sort of thing. That’s why he’d picked this place – it had felt like a safe bet. All of a sudden, Sanji wanted to cover up. Wanted to stop this and run the hell away as fast as his legs would take him. He’d been feeling so good until this moment. Now he just felt ashamed.

Though there was a look of distaste on Zoro’s face, Sanji was drawn to the look in his eyes. He couldn’t quite make out the emotion within them.

The hands holding down his arms and legs had been exciting but now they felt like shackles around his limbs. He felt trapped, unable to stop staring at Zoro. His thoughts were racing so fast he couldn’t keep up with them, let alone react. 

Oblivious to his predicament, the man behind him gave a particularly sharp thrust inside him, his cock dragging harshly over Sanji’s prostate until he couldn’t take it anymore.

Under the bright lights and Zoro’s intense gaze, Sanji climaxed; full of shame and embarrassment as the crowd cheered.

\--

Back in the dressing room, Sanji was doing his absolute best not to freak out at the turn of events. Wrapped in nothing but a blanket, he huddled up on a chair, hugging his knees to his chest. It wasn’t supposed to have turned out like this. He’d been looking for something to make his mind go blank, not fire it into overdrive.

Sex had been the obvious choice; nothing else could clear his thoughts away so easily, pleasure washing everything else aside. Masturbation just wasn’t the same – he couldn’t drown out his feelings like that as he would get distracted. Normally he would just wander around looking for anyone who was interested, but this time he’d stumbled upon something far more intense. Sex was great, and he’d thought being watched would just add to it.

Of course, he hadn’t really had the time to figure out if he was right about that.

Zoro being there had ruined it for him. Instead of feeling good about himself, Sanji felt more worthless than ever. He didn’t know how he was going to face his crew ever again. In the back of his mind, Sanji contemplated making himself disappear.

_Do it then. No one’s going to care if they don’t see you again._

Just as he recognised the thought for what it was, the door to his room swung open. Lifting his gaze from his own lap, Sanji felt his breath catch in his throat.

“What are you doing here?” Sanji asked, doing his best to keep his voice level. He clutched the blanket around himself tightly, not knowing how Zoro had even gotten backstage. This place was supposed to be off limits for people who didn’t go on the stage. To protect the ‘performers’ from avid fans who wanted to get their hands on them. Clearly the security staff had not been enough.

Ignoring his question, the swordsman strode over within seconds, clasping onto Sanji’s shoulders as he leaned down to yell in his face.

“How many men have fucked you tonight?” Zoro was angry, his hands gripping Sanji far tighter than was comfortable. “Ten? Twenty?” Sanji didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t exactly kept count; too engrossed in the sex to even think of such things. To him, it wasn’t important. All that mattered had been feeling good and putting himself on display for other people to watch, so he could feel desired. So he could squash the worthless feelings that typically engulfed him and feel worth something, even for just a few minutes.

When he didn’t respond, Zoro just seemed to get more pissed, yanking him onto his shaky legs.

“You should’ve just asked me.” The swordsman slammed him hard against the wall, one hand grabbing painfully at Sanji’s crotch. “If you want to be fucked that badly, I’ll do it until you can’t walk!”

_He knows you’re easy now. Probably just wants a cumdump between islands. It might as well be you._

He was sore, tired and didn’t really feel like it but his cock responded to the stimulation all the same; growing hard under Zoro’s hand despite the harsh strokes. Sanji closed his eyes to avoid looking at the swordsman’s face, letting out a shaky breath.

He wanted to tell Zoro to fuck off. To get his hands off of him. Wanted to laugh in his face and say there was no way that he could possibly satisfy him. That one man’s attention simply wasn’t enough.

He couldn’t though. Not only was he too physically exhausted from his activities on stage, he was feeling drained from having to deal with this on top of it. He just didn’t have the energy for Zoro’s tantrum right now.

“Stop it, you’re hurting me.”

“I don’t care!” Zoro let go of his dick and pushed his hand around to Sanji’s back, grabbing onto his ass and making him wince. Though Sanji figured Zoro would calm down if he just let him do it, he really was in no state to have sex again. He just wanted to have a long shower and climb into bed.

When Zoro’s hand slipped down further, the swordsman jerked back in disgust. The cum that had been put inside Sanji was now slipping out, the sheer amount of it running down the backs of his thighs and soaking them. Sanji opened his eyes to see Zoro’s wet hand right in front of his face.

“I can’t believe you,” Zoro hissed, pressing his fingers against Sanji’s mouth. “Clean it up right now!”

_See? He thinks you’re disgusting. He’s right, you know._

Exhausted and not feeling like arguing any further, Sanji parted his lips and flicked his tongue against Zoro’s fingertips. Unexpectedly, Zoro recoiled from the touch, shock clear on his features. His grip on Sanji had loosened enough for the cook to move, arms shoving at Zoro’s chest with as much strength as he could muster.

“The fuck is your problem??” Sanji lost his temper. “What did you expect to find there, huh? You just watched it all happen.” Zoro’s face flushed bright red, though Sanji couldn’t whether he was abashed or just full of rage. Either way, it was ridiculous. “What’re you acting so repulsed for? You’re clearly into this shit if you came to a sex club like this!” 

“I didn’t know it was a fucking sex club!” Zoro shouted, hastily wiping his hand off on Sanji’s blanket. “And I didn’t expect to go in and find you like that!”

“Yeah? Well I didn’t expect to see your ugly mug either, so we’re even!”

The tension in the room was thick. Even though Zoro had let go, Sanji still felt oddly caged. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to go to get away. He just stood there, turned his back to the swordsman defiantly. Zoro’s eyes were still on him – he didn’t even need to look to know – boring into his back like he was trying to stare a hole straight through his chest.

Where was he supposed to go from here?

_There’s nowhere to run now. Look what you’ve done. You couldn’t help being a slut and now you have to deal with the consequences. Idiot._

God, he just wanted a fucking shower—

Zoro’s hand grabbed his elbow roughly, forcing him to turn around and look at his face.

“We’re going back to the ship.” Zoro’s voice was strained but the demand was clear. Sanji felt like he had no choice, yet he couldn’t help biting back at him. The stress was driving him insane – he had to let it out somehow.

“No! Get your fucking hand off me,” The cook hissed, trying to yank his own arm free. “I’m not going anywhere with you!” The swordsman’s grip didn’t budge even a millimetre; just tightening more in response. They were both scowling now, both frustrated to the point of lashing out.

“I have no problem with carrying you there as you are.” The threat sent a chill down Sanji’s back. His blanket wasn’t nearly long enough to cover him properly. The thought of going out in it with the aftermath of his performance all over his legs made him shiver in shame. Knowing Zoro, the bastard was going to heave him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and expose it to every person they passed on the street. Worse still, it would likely take hours for them to get back if he was in charge; the idiot was so directionally challenged Sanji wouldn’t have been surprised if it took him weeks.

Defeated, Sanji bowed his head forwards. His gaze lingered on their feet as he took a shaky breath, trying to weigh up his options. Zoro didn’t look like he was going to take no for an answer. Whether he liked it or not he was going to be taken back home. It may as well be on his own terms.

“…Fine. I’ll go.” Humiliation and anxiety tinged his words as he kept his gaze downward, not wanting to see how Zoro felt about his acquiescence. How easily he’d given in. “…but I want a shower first.”

“No. We’re going back right now.” Zoro’s other hand moved to circle his waist but Sanji jerked back sharply. He heard the swordsman growl in response, the grip on his elbow now painful. “There’s no point fighting me. You’re in no fit state.”

Angrier than he’d ever been in his life, the cook snapped his head up to glare at his crewmate. It wasn’t bad enough to be found here, cornered and threatened but now he was going to make him go out like this as well? Fuck that!!

_You’re not going to win a fight like this. He’s stronger than you and you’re all fucked out like the whore you are. You can barely stand right now - what can you possibly do to him?_

The jab at his current state just made Sanji more determined to resist; swinging a leg at Zoro’s head even though his lower body was aching. He was not going to just take this shit!

Unfortunately there was little could do right now; his ankle being grasped easily even in mid-air. As he trembled on his tiptoes from the wide spread of his legs, Sanji felt worse than ever. The angle had him exposing everything to Zoro; the blanket having been kicked away in his haste and only hanging on around his neck where he’d been holding it with a fist.

Despite the attack and his own anger, Zoro seemed deathly calm.

“I told you,” Eyes locking with his own, Zoro made no attempt to lower his gaze. Somehow it just made Sanji feel worse. He’d said he was going to fuck him not ten minutes ago but now he didn’t even seem interested at all. It made the cook feel disgusting. “But I knew you wouldn’t give up so easily.” Sighing, Zoro loosened the grip on his leg and let it slip from his hand. Sanji was at a loss. He didn’t understand what the swordsman was trying to do now. He was tempted to try and kick him again but knew it would just end up in the same result. “You’re gonna get dressed and then we’re gonna go, got it?”

Surprised, Sanji just nodded his head dumbly. His clothes were going to be filthy by the time they got back, but at least he could wear them.

Uncomfortable but not wanting to remain in this state any longer, Sanji walked over to his clothes and began dressing himself. There was a lump in his throat as he did up the buttons of his shirt, not even looking at Zoro anymore. On some level he was feeling grateful for the swordsman’s tact but the overwhelming sense of shame was preying on his mind. He didn’t know what Zoro was going to do from here. Sure, he was going to be taken back to the ship, but after that? 

_He’s going to tell everyone what a filthy whore you really are. Probably strip you bare so they can see for themselves. They’re going to be so disgusted, so disappointed. They expect so little from you as it is and you go and do this._

Sanji squeezed his eyes shut to try and block out the renewed thoughts. The sex had pushed them away and the fight with Zoro had too but now it was hard to stop them from overflowing. His fingers stumbled on the buttons, making him curse under his breath. All of a sudden just getting dressed felt impossible; like he was readying himself for torture. He stiffened as he let out a shaky breath, shaking his head to try and clear the image.

Zoro’s hand grasped his shoulder, far gentler than before.

“Come on, hurry up.” Despite the softer tone, Sanji could feel the impatience burning in Zoro’s words. His body tensed painfully as he tried to slap his hand away.

“Shut up! I’m fucking doing it, aren’t I?”

The swordsman sighed as he withdrew his touch and then Sanji heard him flop onto the floor. The loud noise almost made him jump out of his skin, so tense by now that everything was going to spook him. His ears burned in embarrassment as he tried to do his buttons up again, taking a deep breath to calm the rapid beating of his heart.

At least putting his pants back on wasn’t such an ordeal; the slim black material sliding onto him comfortably despite the stickiness of his body. It clung where his skin was wet but Sanji tried to pay it no mind as he hastily did up his zipper and button. The belt could wait – he didn’t care about it right now. He slipped his shoes on as he looked at the rest of his clothes, panic settling in his stomach as he remembered what would happen when everything was on.

_Back to the ship. To be paraded around and jeered at, just like you deserve. Hasn’t that been your role since the beginning?_

When he reached for his tie, he heard Zoro shifting behind him, snatching it from the side. His eyes followed Zoro’s hand as the swordsman stuffed it into his haramaki, swallowing at the impatient look on his face.

“Come on. We don’t have all day.” Zoro grabbed his jacket and forcibly dressed him in it, not even doing it up before he was lifting him into his arms. Sanji squeaked at the unexpected more, slapping at Zoro’s chest even as the swordsman turned on his heel and pushed his way out of the dressing room. Pressed up against his chest like this made the cook even more aware of Zoro’s strength; the chiselled muscles making him embarrassed by his own body.

They reached the street before Sanji even knew what had hit him. The cool air that had been so refreshing now was like needles against his skin; biting into him and making him shudder. Zoro seemed unaffected, briefly looking around before picking a direction to go in. To Sanji’s surprise, it was the path he’d taken to get here. Would lead them back to the ship without incident as long as the swordsman didn’t fuck up somewhere.

The nerves inside him twisted further at the thought of arriving back home like this. If he was lucky, no one would be awake yet to see them but Sanji felt like his luck had run out the second Zoro had turned up here. They’d all be out on the deck waiting for them at this rate, ready to chide him for his stupid desperate decisions.

_Do you really expect anything else? You’ll be lucky if they don’t laugh at you._

In a panic, Sanji started wriggling. Thrashing in Zoro’s grip though he knew there was no point.

“I can walk by myself!”

“No. I don’t trust you not to try and run.” Zoro’s hands tightened around his back and on his thighs. Sanji knew it wasn’t just that, knew the swordsman had noticed him stumbling in the dressing room and likely lost his temper because he’d taken so long to get dressed. It wasn’t his fault – if Zoro hadn’t insisted on doing this immediately he would have had the chance to wait until he was steadier! Right now, he didn’t want his fucking pity, not when he was being dragged home like a disobedient child that was going to be punished.

“I won’t!” Sanji knew it was a lie even as he said it, looking around urgently for anywhere he could run to. If he managed to get some distance on Zoro he would lose him instantly. “It’s embarrassing – put me down!”

Zoro kept walking without loosening his grip, though he turned his head so that his gaze met Sanji’s.

“No one can see you, idiot cook. The streets are empty at this hour.” The swordsman was doing everything he could to seem calm but there was a vein in his forehead that was bulging from anger. Seeing it just increased the nerves rushing through Sanji. “I’m not giving you a chance. Just shut up and stay still.”

Sanji’s heart sunk in his chest as he ceased his wriggling and lowered his head. Why did Zoro have to be so perceptive at the worst times? Why did he suddenly have to know the way back to the ship? His heart felt like it was in his throat. Couldn’t he just do what he did best and get lost? Sanji would have time to recover then, maybe even be able to break free.

Much to his disappointment they reached the pier without any problems. He would have been impressed and pleased at any other time but right now it was just distressing.

Zoro’s grip seemed to tighten more as they approached the ship, Sanji not having the guts to lift his head and see what was going on. He felt like he was going to throw up. If he could, he would have had a cigarette to calm himself before he went back aboard but understood that Zoro wasn’t going to stop and let him do that. Right now it was like he wasn’t being thought about at all, just some baggage that had gone missing and had to be brought back.

_And you’re not even useful baggage to begin with._

Bitterly, Sanji found himself agreeing with the thought. He didn’t matter – he was only being escorted like this out of some weird obligation on the swordsman’s part. Like he was a pet they’d adopted that kept shitting itself and had to have its nose rubbed in it to teach it a lesson.

Thankfully there was no one out on the deck as they boarded the ship, Sanji still clasped firmly in Zoro’s arms. The cook didn’t have the heart to say anything, Zoro’s silence feeling deafening to him and his demeanour making it difficult to speak. Without a pause, the swordsman headed straight to the bathrooms, kicking the door shut behind him as soon as he threw Sanji to the floor.

“Ow, what was that fo—” Sanji had begun yelling but stopped when Zoro started stripping off, throwing his own clothes into a corner without a care. The look on Zoro’s face was cold, his eyes unsmiling and impossible to read all over again. Sanji flinched away from him, shuffling on his hands and legs into that same corner. “What’re you—”

Just dressed in his trousers now, the swordsman strode over and grabbed at Sanji’s clothes, ripping them from his body unceremoniously. As his many buttons flew through the air, Sanji’s breath caught in his throat, panic building in his gut. Fuck. Zoro had finally lost his temper, was going to violate him just like he’d threatened he would.

Faced with the situation, the annoying voice had gone silent. Leaving him to panic alone, without the distraction to focus on instead.

Sanji trembled against the floor, squeezing his eyes shut tight as he waited for it to begin. How violent was Zoro going to be? Would he just slam inside or would he take his time to humiliate him first? Was he going to hit him while he did it? Even if he raised his voice Sanji doubted someone would come to his rescue.

Instead of jumping on him like he was afraid of, Zoro sank down beside him onto his knees and wrapped his arms tightly around Sanji’s chest. Sanji’s eyes opened in surprise, nervously looking at Zoro’s neck.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Zoro sighed into his hair, not letting go of him even as he squirmed. Sanji was still panicked that he was going to follow up on his earlier promise, not daring to believe anything different. Zoro sounded defeated and hurt as he spoke, cradling Sanji’s head to his chest and just confusing Sanji further. “…What are you doing dangerous shit like that for?”

Unable to trust the situation, Sanji swallowed hard and stayed very still. He had no clue what was going on. Was this some sort of ploy to make him relax? He couldn’t believe it even if he wanted to. Though Zoro’s grip was almost painful it didn’t feel like he was going to do anything else. The heavy concern in the swordsman’s voice was beginning to make him nervous.

“…” Sanji didn’t know what to say, so didn’t say a damn thing. How could he explain this anyway? Zoro wouldn’t believe him, wouldn’t understand. They’d had such different lives up until this point, had such differing attitudes towards things. Sanji doubted Zoro had been through anything like he had, the bits and pieces he knew about the swordsman just pointing to a simple childhood.

“We really care about you, you know?” Zoro was mumbling, his voice shaking slightly in a way Sanji had never heard before. It made his chest ache, guilt joining the anxiety in his stomach and just making it worse. Zoro’s hands relaxed slightly against his back, his fingertips pressing into his jacket with less force. “You need to take better care of yourself. We need you.”

Sanji couldn’t believe the words.

He was far too tightly wound, far too uncomfortable and distrusting to allow himself to even try. After all he’d been through tonight, all his brain had been saying, there was no way he could see it as anything but a lie. Normally he wouldn’t doubt the swordsman but…

Sanji shook his head, unable to find his voice. Zoro’s fingers dug into his back once more, the other man pulling back to stare him in the eye. He was still angry, still looked on the edge of violence but there was something pained in his expression, as though this somehow was hurting him. Sanji averted his gaze to avoid facing it.

“Oi, cook. Look at me.” Zoro released one hand from his back, bringing it to grasp at Sanji’s chin. Sanji closed his eyes once more, his lips pressing tightly together as Zoro turned his head to face him. He didn’t want to look, didn’t want to have to see that expression right now. It was too confusing – he didn’t understand! The swordsman sighed at his actions, Sanji jumping slightly in surprise as Zoro rested his forehead against his. “…I…” Another sigh, deeper this time. “I need you to listen to me. I don’t know if you’re taking any of this in.”

Sanji was uncomfortable, unable to just do what Zoro said. He was listening but the words just felt empty to him. Like lipservice. Zoro didn’t mean it. He was just saying whatever he thought Sanji wanted to hear.

Swallowing, Sanji shook his head again, his hair sweeping over Zoro’s forehead lightly. What was he supposed to say here? Though it was becoming more evident that Zoro was genuinely concerned, Sanji didn’t feel able to tell him the truth.

He was ashamed of the way his mind worked, of how the insistent thoughts drove him crazy, how he allowed them to persuade him when he should know better.

Sanji grabbed onto his own legs, still uncertain and not daring to touch the swordsman right now. He still felt cornered, still felt afraid. Like something bad would happen at any moment. He didn’t want to open his eyes.

A few seconds later, Zoro let go of him. He could sense the frustration growing stronger, knew he should give him more of a response. It was just so difficult. This was all too much for him to process – going from getting fucked in a sex club in front of strangers to being pinned against the wall in the Sunny was jarring enough, let alone with this added… softness? that was being thrown his way. By Zoro of all people.

There was a small rustling noise to his side and then Zoro’s hands were on him again; tugging at his jacket and ripped shirt in an effort to remove them. Sanji bit his lip from nerves but cautiously leaned away from the wall, letting Zoro drag the items from his shoulders. He shivered in place, his mind racing as he felt Zoro’s palms on his skin, reaching for his trousers to undo them.

Sanji had never had someone touch him like this other than for sex, so he wasn’t to blame for expecting Zoro to take advantage of him right there. That’s what he’d gone out for anyway, right? To have sex with anyone willing. As Zoro had said, it may as well be him. It was just that he was now exhausted, didn’t feel like it at all.

Sanji resisted the urge to curl up on himself as his pants were tugged down his knees. He didn’t want to be looked at anymore. He didn’t really know what he wanted. This was most certainly not it, but trying to stop the swordsman felt futile. At least he was being gentle now; it probably wouldn’t hurt as much as he was thinking.

When his pants were all the way off, Zoro stopped touching him. He heard footsteps and then the sound of water colliding into the bathtub, figuring it out pretty quickly. Of course he’d have to bathe first – the swordsman had been disgusted by the remnants of everyone else’s turn with his body – why did he expect anything different? It sounded repulsive to say, but there wasn’t really a man alive who wanted to slide in on another’s leavings – at least, not one who wasn’t looking for that specifically.

As the water level grew and the sound of it crashing together got louder, Zoro returned to Sanji’s side. Sanji felt rather than heard him kneel, let out a shaky breath as he steeled himself for more words, more things that would make him feel revolting.

“I’m gonna put you in the bath.” Zoro’s voice was quiet, tinged with worry. “I’d like to get in with you, if you’re alright with it.”

The request had Sanji’s eyes snapping open before he could help himself, staring at Zoro’s face in unbridled surprise. Why was he asking something like that if he was going to do it anyway? What difference did him agreeing to it even make? And why, god why, did Zoro look like that? The pain was still clear in Zoro’s eyes but the anger in his face seemed to have completely disappeared, replaced instead with just concern. Guilt smacked through the cook faster than he could cope with it, tears building in his eyes and threatening to fall down his cheeks.

This was stupid. All of it. If he’d known what was going to happen, he’d have just stayed in bed and let the thoughts torment him until the morning came.

“Woah!” Zoro was startled, wiping his thumbs under Sanji’s eyes as his mouth twisted uncomfortably. “Don’t cry, dammit. It’s alright!”

The obvious discomfort caused Sanji to give the opposite reaction than the one the swordsman had asked for; tears streaming down his face uncontrollably as he started to sob. 

Clearly out of his depth, Zoro gave up trying to wipe away Sanji’s tears and lifted him up from the floor instead. A few steps later and the cook was being lowered into the bath, the taps getting turned off as soon as he was settled. Zoro stood awkwardly next to the tub, as naked as the day he was born, but didn’t make an attempt to get in. He looked at a loss for what to do, his hands curling into fists at his sides.

Sanji couldn’t stop crying now. It was as though the stress and self-hatred he’d been piling up had decided to escape him all at once; flooding through him without regard for anything else. His head hurt as his sobs grew louder, his body shaking with each one that left his throat.

There was a sigh from his side before a hand reached out to grasp his chin, turning his head gently in the direction of the swordsman. Sanji didn’t want him to see, didn’t want to be humiliated even further—

Suddenly, Zoro kissed him. A light, somehow sweet touch against his lips.

Sanji wasn’t used to being kissed, chaste ones like these weren’t something he’d ever experienced before. It was rare but kissing during sex did happen occasionally; all tongues and desperation in the heat of the moment. A kiss like this was something Sanji didn’t know how to react to.

Blinking away the last of his tears, Sanji stiffened in Zoro’s arms. The swordsman pulled back then, looking more nervous than Sanji had ever seen him before.

“I-I told you it was alright. I’m here.” Zoro coughed and lowered his gaze, his own cheeks slowly going red. “At least you’ve stopped crying now.”

The cook just stared for a minute, taking in every aspect of Zoro’s face. The embarrassed look, the nervousness, the blush across his cheeks that seemed to get deeper with every passing moment. It was taking a while but he was slowly putting two and two together. This entire exchange he’d been coming up with five, but now…

Sanji felt his entire body go hot as he realised what was happening.

Zoro lifted his head then, noticed Sanji’s reaction. The nervousness in his eyes calmed slightly as he took a breath and moved to stand again. Without asking this time, he climbed into the bath right next to Sanji, sitting so close to him that their shoulders touched. Sanji found the skin-on-skin contact soothing, relaxing a little and letting the hot water calm the rest of his body.

Cautiously, slowly, Sanji felt Zoro’s arm shift against his, coming to rest around his shoulders. The swordsman’s hand squeezed lightly on his bicep in a reassuring manner, Sanji glancing over to see Zoro looking away. Embarrassed and anxious himself, Sanji let himself lean closer to Zoro, resting his head against his collarbone ever-so-slightly. It was faint but he could hear the swordsman’s heartbeat thudding along, a small smile coming to his face for the first time that night.

Right now Sanji felt silly for being so worried by Zoro’s advances, felt safe and calm in a way he couldn’t quite put into words. Until this point he never would have guessed he could feel like this; so at peace despite what had happened this evening.

He closed his eyes in content, just listening to the sound of Zoro’s heart while it was still quiet.

“…Can I wash you?” Zoro broke the silence after a few minutes, his voice oddly unsteady. Sanji blinked then looked up at him, nodding awkwardly. He still couldn’t seem to find his own voice just yet, didn’t feel like making an attempt in case it sounded like shit.

A smile played on Zoro’s lips as he let go and reached for the soap, lathering it between his palms as he looked back to Sanji once more. As the swordsman’s hands rested on his shoulders again, Sanji exhaled slowly and stayed still to let him do what he pleased. The warmth and wideness of them felt good on his skin, the cook unable to help himself from arching into the touches so they’d linger just that bit longer.

Zoro chuckled at his reactions, seeming to gain some confidence as he stroked his hands down Sanji’s chest. He pressed a little firmer, dragged his fingers more slowly. It made Sanji want to shiver. As Zoro’s fingertips dipped under the water they both went red suddenly, glancing to each other; Zoro silently asking for permission and Sanji just as quietly granting it.

Uneasy smiles met both their lips when Zoro reached Sanji’s abdomen, the pair breaking out into nervous laughter and pulling away from each other. Perhaps it was a little early for that, after all.

Zoro was the first to stand up, getting out of the tub and making his way over to the adjoining room. Sanji just watched him go, his face glowing red by now. He was grateful and disappointed at the same time; not wanting Zoro to stop but knowing if it continued he’d likely end up unable to walk afterwards. Amused, Sanji realised that was pretty much what Zoro had said back in the dressing room.

The swordsman came back in with a small towel wrapped around his waist and a large one held in his hands. He opened it widely a few steps from the bathtub, smiling.

“C’mere.”

The water was getting cold now but that wasn’t the reason Sanji got to his own feet. Everything about Zoro was so inviting in this moment that he wouldn’t have resisted even if he wanted to. He held onto the side of the bath as he stepped out, still a little shaky on his legs.

Zoro noticed it immediately and closed the distance, bundling the towel around Sanji and just holding him in his arms. He pressed his face into Sanji’s hair again, taking a breath even as his hands rubbed up and down Sanji’s back through the towel.

“Do you think you’ll be able to sleep now?”

Sanji went redder as he realised Zoro had noticed his earlier tossing and turning. He felt his chest tighten as he wondered if the reason he’d been found in the first place was Zoro deciding to follow him to see if he was alright.

“Y-Yeah.” Having found his voice after the laughter, Sanji was able to respond to him properly, his face burning in shame again. However this time it wasn’t a bad kind of shame; just a deeper embarrassment that had a twinge of guilt.

Zoro gave him another squeeze before lifting him into his arms again, looking down at him quietly. Everything felt completely different than it had earlier, Sanji’s heart racing yet again but this time not from fear at all.

As they made their way out of the bathroom, Zoro mumbled something. Sanji didn’t quite catch it despite his closeness but could tell from the redness on the swordsman’s face that he wasn’t going to repeat it. He was fine with not knowing for now. He was certain that if it was important Zoro would say it again sometime, a little later when everything had settled a bit more.

When Zoro put Sanji to bed, he didn’t go to get in his own hammock. Instead he laid down on the floor right next to Sanji, lifting his hand up where the cook could reach it. Sanji’s face went red as he took it in his own, embarrassed and grateful to have the option. The warmth of Zoro’s hand soothed him, Sanji leaning over the edge of the wood to look down at Zoro’s face.

The swordsman’s eyes were already closed, though Sanji wasn’t sure if he was asleep just yet. Silently he mouthed a ‘thank you’ before he slid back down in his own bed and let sleep finally take him, unperturbed by scathing thoughts for once.

Sanji wasn’t sure how he was ever going to repay Zoro for his kindness that night, but for the next week the swordsman’s favourite foods were going to be on the menu. As well as any extra courses Zoro asked for, food or not.


End file.
